Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
