Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
