its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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