This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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