my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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