so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
