god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
