i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
