90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
