dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
