i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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