went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
