I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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