so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
