just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my shit smells like andre
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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