....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
