Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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