are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
