Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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