He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
