Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
