my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize