I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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