Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Even my vagina gasped.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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