she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
