if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize