The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am available for nakedness
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
