I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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