I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
