Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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