she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
