I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
