alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
