i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
