So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
