my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
