all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
