u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
