I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
