My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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