haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
