i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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