Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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