My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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