Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
