so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
