i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
