Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
