you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
