11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
