yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
