you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
