We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
