On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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