I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
