sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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