I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
