yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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