im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
