All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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