my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
