for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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