bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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