To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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